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AAMFT Consumer Update
When Your Adolescent Acts Out Sexually
 Curiosity surrounding sexuality is "normal" in
the process of development. Beginning with exploration of the body, an
infant or toddler will proceed on to questions such as "Where do baby's
come from?" in elementary school and "What is happening to me?" as puberty
begins. These curiosities serve as the foundation for further exploration
as the body matures, sexual feelings arise and interest in sexuality is
acquired. Fortunately for most, this aspect of development matures with
desires, passions and behaviors organized by principles, values and social
expectations into appropriate sexual behaviors. There are some, however,
whose behavior exceeds the "norm" and extends sufficiently outside the
realm of social mores as to draw the attention of state, clinical or legal
entities. Offensive sexual behaviors range from sexual harassment (e.g.,
calling attention a person's body part.) to engaging in inappropriate and,
at times, illegal sexual behaviors (e.g., exposing oneself to another).
Adolescents may engage in sexual behaviors that, while socially and
legally condoned (e.g., masturbation), may be considered immoral by family
members. However, when sexual behaviors exceed social and legal
boundaries, bringing these youth to the attention of the juvenile court,
these youth are referred to as Juveniles who Offend Sexually (JwOS).
Can I Prevent Sexually
Offensive Behavior?
A common question asked
by concerned parents is, "Can I prevent my adolescent from engaging in
sexually offensive behavior?" The answer to this is "yes," if parents are
willing to invest in their child before he or she ever begins to occupy
him or herself in offensive sexual behaviors. First, develop a positive
and open home environment where adolescents feel safe approaching parents
with concerns and questions. Second, while remaining calm, parents should
be open and honest, listening effectively before responding so they know
what their child is asking. Third, family members need to understand and
eventually adopt a set of principles that will guide their
decision-making. Parents who teach principles that they themselves adopt,
such as honesty, trust, integrity, morality, chastity, fidelity and
self-mastery through expectations, rules and behavior, help their
adolescent put on "armor" that will protect the child in a society that
floods the airways (e.g., TV, DVD, video games, music) with sexually
implicit and explicit information. Fourth, help adolescents
organize these principles into a mission statement, which will serve as
their personal day-to-day motto, much the same as the Boy Scout motto, "Be
prepared." Fifth, teach adolescents how to use the principles to make
effective decisions when faced with difficult choices. Give them possible
situations they may encounter and help them use principles to decide how
to deal effectively with the scenarios. Sixth, be an adolescent's primary
source of sex education. Put aside fears about talking about sexuality
aside, pick up a sexuality book and learn how to present the information
to a child in an age-appropriate manner. Seventh, monitor in a positive
and considerate manner the movies children watch, video games they play,
activities they are involved in with peers, jokes they tell that suggest
insensitivity to sexuality or people, curfews and signs of substance use
or abuse. Finally, encourage children to be good family and community
citizens.
When Should I Seek
Help?
It is important to know
what "normal" sexual behaviors are to determine if a sexual behavior is
inappropriate and offensive. When in doubt, parents are encouraged to seek
out assistance to better understand if the behavior their adolescent is
involved in is inappropriate and how best to handle it. With the current
attitude in society about sexual behavior, it is important that any sexual
behavior be given immediate and appropriate attention with the purpose
being to:
· understand
the reason the adolescent engaged in the behavior,
· make
a determination as to whether the behavior is morally or legally
acceptable,
· initiate
the appropriate level of intervention (home based, clinical or legal),
· strengthen
the adolescent against repeating the behavior through ongoing personal
interviews, monitoring activities and knowing where the adolescent is,
keeping an open dialogue and developing a safety plan, and
· share
the information, when appropriate, with the parents of other individuals
involved so they can seek assistance for their child.
Parents are encouraged to "take their heads out of the sand" and
understand and accept the seriousness of sexual behaviors. Seriousness can
range from kissing tag, "playing doctor" and self-stimulation, to acting
out sexually in an inappropriate manner based on age or maturity (a
7-year-old simulating acting out sexual intercourse), to subtle acts of
sexual behavior imposed on others without permission
(exhibitionism), to active forms of aggression such as the use of
manipulation ("If you do this I will give you something or take
something away?"), to coercion ("If you don't do this I will hurt you or
your dog!") or force (using a weapon). While the previous examples
demonstrate the range of sexual behavior that might be considered
offensive, the following guidelines are suggested for parents to help them
determine if their adolescent's sexual behavior is out of the ordinary:
. Age
Difference. The greater the difference in age, the more likely the
behavior will not be regarded as exploratory.
. Aggressive Components Included in Sexual
Behavior. When the sexual behavior moves out of the realm of "showing" and
begins to include aggression (insertion of objects into the vagina or
rectum) or coercion, the behavior must be regarded as offensive.
. Exploitive and Manipulative Behavior. When
one person exploits or manipulates another to gain compliance to a sexual
outcome, the behavior is regarded as offensive.
Where Do I Seek
Assistance?
When sexual behavior is
offensive, parents may find themselves experiencing a wide range of
emotions, such as anger with the child, confusion about what to do, fear
about the potential outcomes in a legal system or denial that their child
could have done such a thing. While these emotions may govern initial
parental action, it is important that parents seek out professional
guidance to assess and make recommendations about what has occurred and
what can be done.
Professionals involved in
helping with juveniles who offend sexually can be located in a variety of
ways. Parents can contact a family therapist, their state's Department of
Human Services, a social worker, a psychologist, a psychiatrist or members
of the clergy. Many hospitals have staff that work specifically with youth
and adolescents who act out sexually. Most counties have victim's
advocates, and the local police or sheriff's department should also be
able to offer assistance and guidance.
Negotiating the Legal
System
If a child is referred to
the juvenile court for sexual behavior, it is important for parents to
understand their legal rights, as well as those of the adolescent. They
should find an attorney who has handled these types of cases in the past.
What is Therapy Like?
When an adolescent is
referred to the juvenile court for sexually offensive behavior, it is most
likely that two clinical requirements will be imposed. The first, will be
the completion of a psychosexual evaluation to help those examining the
case a) determine the severity of the sexual behavior based on age,
victim, location of behavior, etc., b) provide recommendations to the
court and clinician who will provide therapy, and c) help determine the
type of clinical setting in which the adolescent will be placed.
The second requirement is
to be involved in therapy. Regardless of the placement the adolescent is
assigned, there are three types of therapy. Individual therapy will
be used to address personal issues relating to the sexually offensive
behavior, such as denial, victim empathy or relapse prevention. It may
also address other psychological issues, such as depression, anxiety and
conduct disorder. Group therapy is designed for the adolescent to meet
with other youth who have also offended sexually. Group therapy includes
education about sexuality and social skills and often includes the use of
a workbook that becomes a basis for discussion. Family therapy is aimed at
helping parents and family members understand what has occurred and how to
prevent other incidents by strengthening all family members. Since the
adolescent will most likely return home, it helps family members work out
a safety plan, set realistic and age appropriate rules and expectations,
and organize a democratic, principle-based decision-making system.
Conclusion
It is important for
parents and families to understand and discuss sexual development and
behavior as children develop from early childhood through adolescence.
Unfortunately, many parents neglect to discuss sexual development and
behavior with their children, or if they do, it is a one-time event.
Providing sexual information (which includes not only anatomy and
physiology, but also addresses relationship skills and laws governing
sexual behavior) is developmental and needs to be presented at different
ages based on what the child, youth or adolescent needs to understand in
order to be aware of their sexual development, to master sexual impulses
and to be appropriate in their sexual expression.
Resources
Covey, S. (19 ). 7 Habits
of Highly Effective Teens.
Covey, S. (19 ). 7 Habits
of Highly Effective People.
Dinkmeyer, D.& McKay, G.D., (1989). The
Parent's Handbook. Circle Pines, MN: American Guidance Service.
Dinkmeyer, D.& McKay, G.D., (1989). Parenting
Teenagers. Circle Pines, MN: American Guidance Service.
Dinkmeyer, D., McKay, G.D., & Dinkmeyer, J.S.
(1989). Parenting Young Children. Circle Pines, MN: American Guidance
Service. Johnson, S. One Minute Mother
Johnson, S. (1983). One
Minute Father. New York, NY: William Morrow and Company, Inc.
Johnson, S. (1983). One
Minute Mother. New York, NY: William Morrow and Company, Inc.
Lively, V. And Lively, Ed. (1991). Sexual
Development of Young Children. Albany, N.Y.: Delmar Publishers, Inc.
Meeks, L. Heit, P., & Burt, J. (1993).
Education for Sexuality and HIV/AIDS. Blacklick, OH: MeeksHeit Publishing
Company
National Guidelines Task Force. (1996) The
SIECUS Guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education, Kindergarten
through 12th Grade. (2nd Edition). Washington,
D.C.: Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States
Openshaw, D. K. (1999). Youthful Sexual
Offenders. In C. Smith (Ed.). Encyclopedia of Parenting Theory and
Research. Westport, CN: Greenwood Press, pp. 391 - 393.
Openshaw, D. K. (2003).
Childhood Sexuality. In T.P. Gullota & M. Bloom (Eds.). Encyclopedia of
Primary Prevention and Health Promotion. New York, NY: Kluwer
Academic/Plenum Publishers. Pp 975 - 980.
Item #1090
Keywords: molestation,
rape, sexual disorder, sexually offensive behavior, impulse control,
conduct disorder, sexual harassment, sexually reactive.
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